How Can the Quran Transform Your Marriage From Struggling to Thriving?
The quality of your marriage, to a very large extent, will determine the quality of your life. After years of counseling couples across Sydney, from Bankstown to Parramatta, from Liverpool to Lakemba, I’ve witnessed firsthand how a healthy marriage impacts every aspect of life: your mental health, physical wellbeing, productivity at work, focus on the road, presence in your prayers, and even your stress levels.
As Bilal Dannoun, a Sydney-based Muslim marriage celebrant specializing in Sharia-compliant nikah ceremonies and Islamic counselling, I want to share something that concerns me deeply. A recent study revealed that approximately 40% of lost productivity in the workplace results from employees coming to work with unresolved problems from home. These workers aren’t operating at their best capacity because they’re stressed, thinking about what’s happening at home and what will happen when they return.
Marriage affects everything. Imagine you’re a surgeon, pilot, judge, or teacher about to perform your duties after a serious fallout with your spouse. Can you truly be the best version of yourself? What about your salah? Can you truly focus when you say “Allahu Akbar” if you’ve had problems in your marriage, or are you focused on what happened at home?
The Quran provides us with profound wisdom about marriage. Allah says He has made our homes a place of sakina (tranquility). If you can’t find tranquility at home, where will you find it? Tonight, let me share seven powerful messages from the Quran that will help you cultivate a happy, healthy, and long-lasting marriage.
Why Marriage Matters More Than You Think
Before we explore these Quranic messages, understand this: being in a healthy marriage is not just good for your happiness. It prevents trauma from taking place, from traumatizing your spouse or your children. Without proper understanding of how to deal with emotions and differences in marriage, we create what’s known as generational or ancestral trauma. This trauma gets passed on to children, who become familiar with unhealthy behaviors from their parents, and the cycle continues.
All because couples didn’t know how to deal with emotions, how to understand one another’s differences, how to communicate effectively.
Chronic stress from an unhealthy marriage impacts your health significantly. Studies show that ongoing, unhealed stress contributes to many physical illnesses, potentially even cancer. You want to be in a state of physiological calm, not always in a fight or flight situation. You want to be in what’s known as a parasympathetic state (calm) as opposed to a sympathetic state (stressed).
If we want a healthy future generation, we must understand how to deal with our spouse and our own emotions. Let’s begin.
Message #1: Taqwa (God-Consciousness) is the Foundation
The Problem: Many couples struggle because they’ve disconnected from Allah. They’ve made other things their priority: work, money, status, even their spouse, but not Allah.
The Quranic Guidance: Taqwa and its derivatives appear in over 250 places throughout the Quran. Allah instructs us to have taqwa just as He instructed those who came before us: “O you who believe, fear Allah as He should be feared” (Surah Al-Imran, 3:102).
One of the best definitions of taqwa comes from Ali (may Allah be pleased with him). He said taqwa means:
- Acting upon the revelation (Quran and Sunnah)
- Being content with what you have
- Preparing yourself for death
The Divorce Chapter Connection: Remarkably, in Surah At-Talaq (the chapter on divorce), Allah mentions taqwa multiple times. It’s as if Allah is reminding us about one of the major contributors to avoiding divorce and protecting ourselves from marital breakdown.
Allah says: “Whoever has taqwa, Allah will make for him a way out” (Surah At-Talaq, 65:2). If you’re going through a difficult time, check yourself. Ask: How is my relationship with Allah? If your relationship with Allah hasn’t been good, hasn’t been healthy, if you’ve been disconnected, what do you think can happen to your connections on earth? They may well end up disconnected as well.
Another verse states: “Whoever fears Allah, He will make for him of his matter ease” (Surah At-Talaq, 65:4). Allah will bring about ease when you have taqwa.
The Critical Role of Salah: The most important contributor to taqwa and a healthy marriage is our salah. Interestingly, in Surah Al-Baqarah, after verses about divorce rules, Allah immediately says: “Maintain the prayers, and in particular the middle prayer” (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:238).
What is the middle prayer? Looking at our five daily prayers (Fajr, Dhuhr, Asr, Maghrib, Isha), the middle prayer is Asr. There’s special emphasis on Asr because it’s one of the two hardest prayers of the day. At Asr time, everybody is winding down from work, feeling tired, wanting to go home. It’s probably the coldest part of the day, and many people are lazy or find it difficult to commit to Asr prayer.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever prays the two cold prayers will enter Jannah.” These are Fajr (the coldest part of the night) and Asr (the coldest part of the day). If you’re consistent with these two hard prayers, the other prayers will also be sound.
The Beautiful Saying: The pious people of the past said: “Repair your relationship with the Creator, and He will repair your relationship with the creation.” When you repair your connection with Allah, you aid and support repairing the connection with people around you.
Quote from Bilal Dannoun: “I cannot emphasize enough from my experience talking with many couples that salah seems to be one of those things missing in people who end up in very toxic, dysfunctional marriages and even divorce. If you’re disconnected with Allah, you might find yourself disconnected from your spouse.”
Action Steps:
- Prioritize your five daily prayers, especially Fajr and Asr
- Make Allah occupy the core of your heart
- Understand that everything you love (wealth, status, spouse, hobbies) exists in layers in your heart, but the core must belong to Allah alone
Warning: If you place anything your heart loves in the core position other than Allah, two things can happen:
- That thing may become your greatest source of pain on earth
- You can start causing injustice to everything else your heart loves
All because you did not make Allah your priority.
The Promise: Allah says: “Whoever does good deeds, male or female, and they are believers, We will grant them a goodly life” (Surah An-Nahl, 16:97). This is Allah’s promise. The condition? Do good deeds (salah, zakah, fasting, hajj, and all Allah has obligated) while being a believer.
Message #2: Hearts Are Controlled by Allah
The Reality: Your spouse’s heart, your friends’ hearts, your community’s hearts are all controlled by Allah. He can instill love in their hearts toward you, or He can turn their hearts away from you.
The Quranic Verse: “Indeed those who have believed and done righteous deeds, the Most Merciful will appoint for them affection” (Surah Maryam, 19:96).
Therefore, it’s crucial to understand the relationship between you and Allah and how that affects the hearts of people toward you or away from you.
Example from the Companions: Allah speaks about the immense love the Companions had for one another in Surah Al-Anfal: “And He brought their hearts together.” Then Allah says to Muhammad (peace be upon him): “If you were to spend all that is on the earth, you could not have brought their hearts together, but it is Allah who brought them together” (Surah Al-Anfal, 8:63).
The hearts are controlled by Allah. If we want to be close to people, ask yourself: How close are you to Allah?
Quote from Bilal Dannoun: “When Allah loves you, Jibril loves you, the angels love you, and the people on earth are going to love you. This is why your connection with Allah becomes your ally. Allah becomes your helper, your supporter. He is the ally of the righteous.”
Practical Application for Sydney Couples: Whether you’re in Auburn, Greenacre, Chester Hill, or anywhere across Greater Sydney, your spouse’s heart is in Allah’s control. Want them to love you more? Strengthen your relationship with Allah first.
Message #3: Mawadda (Love) and Rahma (Mercy)
The Beautiful Verse: “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy” (Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21).
Understanding Mawadda (Love): In English, love is a verb, meaning there needs to be action. You need to do something about it. The Prophet (peace be upon him) gave us countless examples of how he nurtured love with the mothers of the believers.
Real Examples from the Sunnah:
Example 1: Words of Affirmation One day Aisha came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and asked, “Ya Rasulallah, how is your love toward me?” Every wife wants reassuring words of love. She wants to hear those words, wants acknowledgment, wants to know she is loved.
He replied: “My love toward you is like the knot of a rope,” meaning very firm and strong. It’s said that Aisha would return to ask, “How is the knot?” and he would say, “Ka ma hi,” it’s still as it is, still very strong.
It doesn’t reduce your manhood to say to your wife, “I love you, I cherish you,” or words to that effect. This is from Islam. Even with a stranger you love for Allah’s sake, you would say “I love you for the sake of Allah.”
Example 2: Quality Time and Fun The Prophet (peace be upon him) was on an expedition in the desert. He told the Companions to move on, then turned to Aisha and said, “Do you want a foot race? I’ll race you.” Remember, the Prophet was over 50 years old and Aisha was young. Who won? She won. She beat the Prophet in the race.
Many years passed and Aisha put on some weight. One day he asked her again, “Do you want to race?” They raced, and this time the Prophet won. He said to her, “One for one.” He wasn’t being competitive or causing issues. He was fostering the love between husband and wife.
Example 3: Physical Affection The Prophet (peace be upon him) saw that Aisha was drinking from a cup. He asked, “Where were your lips?” She pointed to where her lips touched the cup, and he drank from exactly the same spot to show his love toward her. If she was eating meat from a bone, he would eat from the same place.
Before going to the masjid, he would kiss his wife. We see this all in the Sunnah of the Prophet.
Understanding Rahma (Mercy): Show mercy to people around you. Those most deserving of your mercy are your family members. Family first.
Allah says about Prophet Muhammad: “And We did not send you except as a mercy to all of mankind” (Surah Al-Anbiya, 21:107). All Islamic teachings are teachings of mercy.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Those who show mercy, the Most Merciful will show them mercy. Have mercy on those on earth, and the One above the heavens will show you mercy.”
Practical Communication: It’s important to communicate, to find out what your spouse loves, what makes them feel cherished, needed, and happy. This healthy communication should happen especially from the beginning of marriage, from the get-go, where you’re learning about:
- Each other’s expectations
- Each other’s needs
- Each other’s boundaries
- What will tick them off, make them sad, or make them mad
Quote from Bilal Dannoun: “Mawadda and rahma, cultivating love and showing mercy between husband and wife, are major contributors toward a happy and long-lasting marriage. Remember, those most deserving of your mercy are your family members.”
Message #4: The Garment Analogy (Libas)
The Powerful Verse: “They (your wives) are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them” (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:187).
This one verse truly encapsulates, through a beautiful analogy, what the relationship between husband and wife looks like. It summarizes what an ideal marriage looks like. Scholars derived over 10 lessons from these remarkable words.
The 10 Lessons from the Garment Analogy:
1. Covering Each Other’s Faults
Our clothing covers us. Between husband and wife, we should cover each other’s faults, blemishes, and insecurities. We don’t reveal them. Sometimes you have a rash, cut, or condition on your body, and you wear something to cover it because you don’t want others to see it. You might get embarrassed.
That’s how the relationship should be. Don’t embarrass your spouse. Don’t showcase their faults or report them to their parents, relatives, or friends. This is not correct at all.
2. Taking Pride
We take pride in our clothes. We look after our clothes, iron them, wash them, perfume them. Likewise, take pride in your spouse.
3. Providing Warmth
Your clothing gives you warmth, especially during cold times. Your spouse should provide that emotional warmth and comfort in your life.
4. Avoiding Harshness
You avoid harsh clothing. Some clothing is very harsh, so you don’t put it on your skin because it’s annoying. Don’t become annoying toward your spouse. Don’t agitate your spouse, just as you don’t like to wear clothing that agitates your skin.
5. Softness in Speech and Behavior
Your speech and behavior should be fine, soft, and easy, just like we prefer clothing that’s soft and comfortable.
6. Respecting Different Sizes
Clothing comes in different sizes. Your dealings with your spouse should reflect each other’s size, each other’s preferences. If your spouse wears a large, you can’t offer them small just because your preference is small. It doesn’t work for them. Give them what is fitting for their type. You can’t force your size on them. It simply won’t fit, and this will produce a negative outcome.
7. Closeness and Intimacy
Clothes stick to us, cling to us. They’re the closest thing to our body. There’s nothing closer to you right now than the clothes on your back. The relationship between husband and wife should always be close and intimate.
The Prophet (peace be upon him), when he passed away, passed away with his head on the chest of Aisha. He was in her lap. He was always close to his wives.
8. Bringing Comfort
Your clothing brings you comfort. Allah uses the word libas elsewhere when speaking about the night: “And We made the night a covering” (Surah An-Naba, 78:10). We know nighttime brings comfort. It’s very important that we bring comfort to our spouse.
9. Beautification
Your garments beautify you, make you look beautiful. Ensure your spouse looks good in front of others. Don’t bad mouth, don’t speak ill of them. Your clothing makes you feel secure and protects you from certain weather conditions. Likewise, protect your spouse from any harm.
10. Pleasant Fragrance
You ensure your clothes smell nice. Likewise, ensure you beautify yourself for your spouse. It works both ways.
The Reciprocal Nature: Allah says: “They possess rights similar to those held over them, in accordance with what is reasonable” (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:228). As they have rights over us, we have rights over them.
Real Example: One of the Companions would put eyeliner and beautify himself for his wife. When asked why, he recited this verse: they possess rights similar to those held over them according to customs and traditions.
Quote from Bilal Dannoun: “This single verse about being garments for each other contains over 10 profound lessons about marriage. Understanding and applying these lessons can transform your relationship from struggling to thriving.”
Message #5: Understanding Gender Differences
The Clear Statement: “And the male is not like the female” (Surah Al-Imran, 3:36).
The more we understand this verse, the fewer problems we’ll have in our marriage.
The Reality: Allah created us differently:
- Physiologically different
- Biologically different
- Neurologically different
- Different in preferences
- Different in perceptions
- Different in so many ways
The Purpose: These differences exist so we can complete each other, not compete against one another. This is very important to remember. It’s a difference of roles. We have different roles.
Practical Application: We need to remember our differences. The way males do things doesn’t mean females need to do it that way, and vice versa. We need to be in tune with each other’s preferences, how we differ in our hormones, how we differ in so many ways.
This topic is so significant that entire books have been written about gender differences, hundreds of years after this verse. These books detail what it means for males and females to be different, their preferences, why they do what they do.
The Consequence of Ignorance: If we don’t work with these differences and don’t have understanding, it can lead to much toxicity and a dysfunctional marriage.
Quote from Bilal Dannoun: “Allah created males and females differently so we can complete each other, not compete. Understanding this single principle can eliminate countless marital problems across Sydney, from Lakemba to Liverpool.”
Message #6: Sincerity in Reconciliation (Ikhlas)
The Quranic Promise: “If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them” (Surah An-Nisa, 4:35).
If you’re sincere and really want to reconcile, putting in your absolute best, Allah will make it happen. But both the husband and wife need to be sincere, giving it their best shot.
The Strategy: Repel Bad with Better: “Repel the evil deed with that which is better, and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity will become as though he was a devoted friend” (Surah Fussilat, 41:34).
Listen to this powerful verse. When something bad happens and you’ve had a fallout with your wife or husband, instead of pouring fuel over the fire, what do you do? You take out the extinguisher. You don’t get the petrol or gas and add to it. You want to repel the bad with better.
The Fire Analogy: How does a fire start? It starts as a spark, a very tiny flame. You’ve got to make sure you turn it out before it gets out of hand, because once it gets out of hand, it’s very hard to contain and can be very destructive.
Using the Best Strategies: Maybe phone a sheikh, phone a counselor, phone someone, talk to someone to help you overcome the situation. That’s using ihsan (excellence). If you do that with sincerity, giving it your absolute best, going out of your way, you will find yourself becoming very close friends, even with an enemy according to this verse.
The Scholars’ Insight: Scholars said about this verse: If you’re not reconnecting with someone, it’s most likely because you’re not applying ihsan. You’re not giving it your best shot. You’re not really getting in there and trying your absolute level best to make it happen.
Practical Steps for Sydney Couples:
- Be sincere in trying to resolve disputes
- Put your pride aside
- Put your egos aside
- Think long term
- Think about the children
- Think about the partner you’re about to lose because of a moment’s rage, a moment’s anger
That’s all it is: a moment. And that’s why in Islam, if you divorce your spouse while in a state of utter rage and anger, that divorce is not counted because it paralyzes your brain and makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do.
Quote from Bilal Dannoun: “Always be sincere in trying to resolve disputes. Both spouses need sincerity and commitment to giving their best shot. Allah will make reconciliation happen when both parties are truly sincere.”
Message #7: Keep Problems in the Bedroom
The Quranic Instruction: “But those from whom you fear arrogance, first advise them; then if they persist, forsake them in bed” (Surah An-Nisa, 4:34).
The Sequence of Resolution:
- First: Advise them, give them advice
- If they persist: Forsake them in the bed (al-madaji’ means your bed)
Critical Understanding: Forsake them in the bed, not outside of the bedroom.
Why Not Leave the Bedroom?: Who’s going to see the problems when they leave the bedroom? The children. The children will see them. Sometimes many people leave the house, then other people find out, then Shaytan plays his part. There are whisperings, people giving advice that may not be right. They might become partial because that’s their best friend, and they want to tell them what they think they should do.
The Right Approach: If there is a marital problem, seek counsel from people who have knowledge and experience. Knowledge and experience together.
If No Knowledgeable Person Available: Get a senior member from your family and a senior member from your spouse’s family. Two people, two senior uncles or grandfathers. These are known as arbitrators. They will come and sit down and discuss the issue peacefully, with love, with justice, because that’s what we’re always trying to uphold: justice.
For Couples Across Sydney: Whether you’re in Bankstown, Parramatta, Campbelltown, or anywhere in Greater Sydney, when marital problems arise, stay within the family home. Don’t leave your bedroom for another room or another place. Try to resolve it internally first.
Quote from Bilal Dannoun: “Keep your marital problems in the bedroom, not outside where children and others will see. Seek help from those with knowledge and experience, not from anyone who might give partial or unqualified advice.”
The Power of Dua for Your Marriage
Make It a Habit: Always make dua for your marriage. Whenever you make dua, ask Allah to bless your marriage. It’s such an important union, such an important relationship.
Allah Praises Those Who Make This Dua: “And those who say, ‘Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous'” (Surah Al-Furqan, 25:74).
When you look at your spouse, you say Alhamdulillah. You feel grateful, very fortunate that Allah has blessed you with a good spouse.
The Daily Protection Dua: One of the best duas to say every morning and evening to protect your marriage is found in the morning and evening supplications of Hisn al-Muslim (Fortress of the Muslim):
“Allahumma inni as’aluka al-afwa wal-afiyah fid-dunya wal-akhirah. Allahumma inni as’aluka al-afwa wal-afiyah fi dini wa dunyaya wa ahli wa mali.”
(O Allah, I ask You for pardon and wellbeing in this world and the next. O Allah, I ask You for pardon and wellbeing in my religion, my worldly affairs, my family, and my wealth.)
This is a comprehensive dua. You’re asking Allah to bless you and your family, to protect you from all around.
The Danger of Forgetting Allah: Remember Allah, and He will remember you. If you forget about Allah, He’ll leave you. When you’re left alone without the support of Allah, you become a toy and your marriage becomes a toy for Shaytan.
Why Shaytan Loves Failed Marriages: Shaytan loves to see relationships fail. Why? Because when a relationship fails:
- The children will fail
- The work will fail
- The community becomes weak
- It has a ripple effect
Quote from Bilal Dannoun: “Never underestimate the power of consistent dua for your marriage. Make it part of your morning and evening routine. When Allah supports your marriage, Shaytan cannot destroy it.”
Your Next Steps: Building an Islamic Marriage in Sydney
Whether you’re in Lakemba, Liverpool, Auburn, Parramatta, Bankstown, or anywhere across Greater Sydney, these seven Quranic messages provide the blueprint for a happy, healthy marriage:
- Taqwa: Make Allah your priority through consistent salah and righteous deeds
- Hearts Controlled by Allah: Strengthen your relationship with Allah to strengthen your spouse’s love for you
- Mawadda and Rahma: Actively demonstrate love and show mercy daily
- The Garment Analogy: Apply all 10 lessons about covering, protecting, and beautifying each other
- Gender Differences: Understand and respect that males and females are different by divine design
- Sincere Reconciliation: Always be sincere in resolving disputes, repelling bad with better
- Keep Problems Private: Resolve issues in the bedroom, seek qualified help when needed
Remember: The quality of your marriage determines the quality of your life. It affects your mental health, physical health, productivity, focus, prayers, and stress levels. Most importantly, it affects your children and future generations.
The Pious Saying: “Repair your relationship with the Creator, and He will repair your relationship with the creation.”
Take Action Today with Bilal Dannoun
As a Sydney-based Muslim marriage celebrant committed to helping couples build marriages rooted in Quranic wisdom, I offer:
My Services:
- Sharia-compliant nikah ceremonies (online and in-person) across all Sydney suburbs
- Pre-marriage education based on Quranic principles and modern psychology
- Marriage counseling for couples at any stage, helping you apply these seven messages
- Islamic divorce services handled with compassion when reconciliation isn’t possible
- Notice of Intended Marriage (NOIM) assistance ensuring legal and Islamic compliance
- Flexible locations: Your mosque, home, chosen venue, or my dedicated marriage reception lounge
For Those Seeking Marriage: The Prophet (peace be upon him) addressed the youth: “O youth, whoever has the means to get married should get married, because it helps protect the private part and helps you lower your gaze. If you don’t have the means, then fast, because fasting is protection from immorality.”
Don’t wait to invest in your marriage. Whether you’re preparing for marriage, newly married, or married for decades, these Quranic messages are timeless guidance for success.
May Allah bless all marriages with sakina (tranquility), mawadda (affection), and rahma (mercy). May He make our spouses and offspring the delight of our eyes. May He inspire us to do what is ihsan, what is best for our families and future generations.
Contact me today to discuss how I can support your marriage journey with guidance rooted in the Quran and Sunnah. Together, we can build marriages that bring peace to your homes and pleasure to Allah.
From Bankstown to Parramatta, from Liverpool to Lakemba, I’m here to help you establish the tranquil, loving marriage that Allah describes in the Quran. Let’s make these seven messages the foundation of your happy house.